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I think I now, for realz, have made the mental shift from considering myself an ally to feeling marginalized. Which sucks. But is also weird. Like, I still think I'm very privileged. I know that. But I also do not think that it's okay how I'm feeling or that it's purely my fault…

Today I've been told (for the 2nd time) that I probably just don't belong in SRE. And I just… don't agree with that (let me know if you do)

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@Merovius SRE?

I find that (for me) 'feeling marginalized' and 'being an ally' is not a contradiction. And I'm still looking for (and finding) ways to deal with the fact that I'm suddenly in a much more privileged position than I was a year ago - while still belonging to a marginalized group. It's weird, and I suspect that the answer is somewhere in intersectionalism. Hopefully?

@rixx en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Site_rel (similar to devops). And yeah. It just feels weird, as I specifically *didn't* pursue a diagnosis for ~10y because I did not want to view myself through that lens… and now here I am. Also, my place in the conversation is different; but that's not obvious externally, on the surface I'm still just a white, cis, hetero tech dude. Just… complicated and weird ^^

@Merovius I see that that's an awkward position (also sorry for the earlier braindumps, you got me thinking and the thoughts wanted out).

I feel similarly in many situations - I look like white cis hetero tech dude, but I'm not. I don't really have a way to deal with misunderstandings resulting from this. I try to ephasize a lot with others. Sometimes I clear things up, but only if those others seem friendly. Other than that … yeah, no idea. "complicated and weird" fits well.

@marhea en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Site_rel or "how Google does DevOps". Also, shameless plug to come to Mathematiker im Beruf this SoSe where I'll hopefully be talking about that :)

@Merovius Second thought: I've come to see privilege as a stupid, powerful thing society gives me for no reason. It's not my fault I have it, and I don't think accusing somebody of privilege is ever really valid - but you can accuse people of *using* their privilege in wrong ways, and I try to steer clear of that.

(Like, if I was a king, I'd work towards abolishing monarchy, even if other, stupid, monarchies would stick around.)

Sometimes, this helps. At least I can pretend to be a king? ;)

@rixx I think it's valid criticism, that privilege can hide struggles from you. Like, I probably won't ever really understand racism. E.g. I genuinely think that privilege is what makes people think there is no institutionalized sexism anymore. And I do believe it's - to some degree - right, that that changes the weight your voice has on these topics. As a white dude, my opinions on sexism *shouldn't* matter that much.

@rixx Of course, online discourse turns this, like everything, up to 11. Removes context, hides the complexity of people and communication and makes everything horrible… To the degree that I understand the frustration on all sides completely. :)

BTW: Never apologize for braindumps to me. I value your thoughts a lot.

@Merovius Online discourse is hard to navigate and escalates easily, yes. I think that is one of the reasons for the volatility and hostility these issues provoke in the Chaos community, too (although it has been getting better). The whole community leans towards hyperbole and outrage. :(

@Merovius I definitely agree with you here. At this year's DjangoCon Europe there was a panel about women in tech, consisting of five women, which noticably changed the dialogue. (Hmm, maybe only noticable for people with female socialization? Haven't asked anybody else yet.) That was a great way to *experience* how necessary it is to make space (visibly, openly) for all kinds of minorities.

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