soft plush julia @julialuna@chaos.social

@julialuna this qt right here has NO structural integrity!!!

what you say: have you tried [x]
what they hear:
-oh god this is my fault if only i did that stuff i wouldn't be feeling this
-they're assuming i haven't tried that already??
-they just want to feel good about helping

what you say: you're not alone/other people go through this
what they hear:
-they're not speaking from personal experience or backing this up so it's not very believable
-other peoppe manage this and i can't

what you say: it really does get better! i went through this too
what they hear:
-other nd ppl have a chance to heal but not me
-all this stuff i'm going through right now doesn't matter??
-i'm only worth something once i'm better

what you say: i'm worried about you
what they hear:
-oh god i made them upset now i have to make them feel better
-they don't respect my agency as an adult

ok here's a list of common (shitty) ways people respond to mh stuff and how they actual affect the person in question:

what you say: you aren't bad!! (you aren't broken, you're such a good person, etc)
things they will hear:
-i've tricked you into thinking i'm good, making me worse
-so there's no reason for me to be feeling this bad stuff??
-you aren't listening to me (i just explained how i did bad stuff)

our community responses to our peers mental health crises range from "not helpful" to "actively damaging" and it's so rare for people to critically analyze it i think because a lot of us go through the same stuff so the assumption is that, having similar experiences, of course we're responding in the best way we can. but actually we're just like, repeating the ways we were /taught/ to respond to mh crises and those ways are Bad